Saturday Morning(ish) Funnies

Okay, so it’s not Saturday morning (this is becoming a trend), but here are some funnies anyway.  Truth be told, between the visit from our phavorite phish phriends last weekend and a visit from my parents the past four days, my DVR is backed the eff up, so I didn’t have time to watch most of the shows, so this is a very short week in brain damage:

Brothers and Sisters: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m kind of tired of the Walkers.  Actually, strike that.  I’m not tired of the Walkers.  I’m tired of the ridiculous story lines that this season has showered upon us.  Can we just kill off Holly Harper?  Because I totally don’t care about her amnesia.  The only time that story line is acceptable is on soap operas from the 1970s.

The Middle: The Heck family decided it would be a good idea to host a foreign exchange student.  The entire scene was epic, so I’m including a good amount of it.  I totally see this being our family one day.  (Sidenote: Patricia Heaton guest-hosted on The View twice this week--hey, don't judge me--and that woman is freaking funny.  Pretty sure we could hang out over some vodka tonics and swap kid poop stories mixed in with some dirty jokes.)

Frankie: Listen guys, that was the reverend, and he said there’s a bunch of foreign exchange students still available.

Mike: I’m sure there are.

Frankie: Remember at church today, I was talking to Nancy Donahue, and she said it’s a very rewarding experience that makes kids more tolerant.  And our kids could use some more tolerance, Mike.  And guess what--there’s a kid in Japan who would love to come to Indiana.

Axl: Why?

Mike: Foreign exchange kid?  I don’t know Frankie.  We have enough trouble paying attention to the kids we have.  

Sue: Do we get to exchange someone?  Because I vote for Axl.

Brick: I’m in.  This is way better than the dog you wouldn’t let me get.  Can we name him Rex?

Frankie: Guys, guys, it’s not about that!  This is about us hosting someone, making a difference.  We’d be like a pebble that makes a tiny ripple that becomes this wave, a wave that starts in Orson and becomes bigger and bigger all the way to Japan.

Mike: Those big waves are called tsunamis, and they don’t like them.

Frankie: Mike, I’m serious.  We have a real opportunity here.  We’ll be like ambassadors.  Then he goes out in the world and tells people how great it is here, and pretty soon America’s popular again.  Come on, Mike.  I talked you into hummus, and you ended up liking that.

Axl: I’m down, but as long as it’s some super hot girl from Finland or Sweden.  Is there some kind of catalogue we can look at?

Dialogue gold.

Modern Family: Okay, the conversation between Mitchell and Cam about Lily’s preschool plan is only so funny because I’ve met those people--the ones that think their kid isn’t going to get into Harvard if she doesn’t get into Holy Mother of God College Preparatory Snooty Snot Day School for K2.  (ATTENTION PEOPLE: “K2” is a mountain, not kindergarten.)  The scene when Claire breaks down after screaming “REPRESENTATIVE!” into the phone at an automated service was like a page out of every day in my life.  This show is NEVER disappointing.  (BTW, my dad is apparently the only person in America who does not like this show.  Super lame.)

Mitchell: But then I ran into Lori.

Cam: Boobs Lori or Adult Braces Lori?

Mitchell: Great Shoes Lori.

Mitchell: We have got to get her into school, Cam, or she’s going to fall behind.

Cam: Don’t you think I know that?

Mitchell: This is perfect.  Ah!  Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Claire: What do you think the public library is for?

Haley: I thought that was the bathroom for homeless people.

Mitchell: Cam, this is the first time that being gay is a competitive advantage.  They’re choosing teams for gym class, and we’re finally getting picked first.

Cam: I always got picked first.  I could throw a dodgeball through a piece of plywood, but I see your point.

THE WHOLE TRUTH: Okay, I don’t have anything funny to say about this show, but I will say that it is really, really good, and I hope it doesn’t get cancelled...which means it probably will.  I could be completely wrong--this show might suck, but I just want to squeeze Rob Morrow's cute little cheeks every time he smiles.  And that Maura Tierney--everyone loves a smartass who can actually back it up by being smart, right?  This week’s episode revolved around a kid who may or may not have killed his parents, and both of the kids who played the suspected murderer and his brother were super creepy.  I’m keeping my eye on this Gabriel Notarangelo kid--I have a feeling he’s going to start popping up all over primetime with his innocent kid/potential murderer face.