So, here are the highlights of this week:
- Brad takes Chawntel/Shantel/Shawntel/Chantelle (I can’t keep the ridiculous names straight) on a date in Vegas and lets her buy whatever she wants. WHATEVER SHE WANTS. And I’m not talking about a dress and a necklace. I’m talking about--she picks it up, it’s hers. I would really like to know how much ABC ended up spending. There were like 10 bags, and one of them had a $5,000 handbag. Hook a sister up! Who cares if she ends up with the man? She’s got enough swag to make the weeks of looking like a desperate idiot on national television worth it.
- Group date: can we get off this Emily thing? The poor girl lost her fiance/baby daddy in a plane crash--her fiance/baby daddy who was a professional race car driver. And the producers are sending her on a freaking race car driving date!?! Don’t get me wrong--I like my reality TV served up with a whopping scoop of sensationalism, but leave this girl alone.
- Double date with the Ashleys where one girl has to go home: so, whoever wins between the two girls (who are like total besties in the house) gets to be in an Elvis musical with Brad. He picks Ashley (the brunette with blonde highlights and bad eyebrows--I know, you still can’t figure out which one I’m talking about, right?), and they are strapped into harnesses to perform in a Cirque du Soleil Elvis disaster. Ashley’s voiceover (as they are being hoisted into the air together): “I am definitely falling for Brad...holding Brad’s hands makes me feel comfort, makes me feel secure. I feel so lucky to have Brad. This is honestly one of the best nights of my life.” She feels this way while staring at him in spandex camo pants with massive amounts of stage make-up. Oh, and the other Ashley is crying in the back of the car while Are You Lonesome Tonight? plays in the background. Classic.
- The girls who are kicked off are both crying. A LOT. How are we down to 11 women, and I have no idea who these women are? Where have they been the whole show? Either way, no one cares because we don’t even know their names. Should have punched yourselves in the eyes, ladies!
Cougar Town is one of those shows that I watch every week because I like to finish what I start and haven’t given myself permission to stop watching even though I kind of feel lame for watching it. HOWEVER, I really do laugh at this show almost every time I pay attention, and this week was SUPERB. I have always hated Valentine’s Day for all the obvious reasons, and I loved these snippets:
Ugh...I’m so annoyed. Tomorrow’s St. Valentine’s Day. What saint decided that women have to put out just because some idiot bought them an $8 teddy bear?
Captain Emo’s been following me around, yapping about romance and vomiting I love yous all over me.
Buddy, boudoir photos are classy. Plus, you don’t have to be completely naked. I sent a photo to this guy in Iraq, and my junk was completely covered by a real stuffed eagle. So patriotic.
Okay, so what’s up with that whole apology for Steven Tyler thing? I bet someone has already blogged about this, so I should just google it and find out, but I’m too lazy. So, the first night was in Austin, TX, so it was NO surprise that there were a lot of talented folks. I didn’t really know what to expect from Hollywood, though, because even though it seems like Hollywood (the “entertainment capital of the world”) would pull out some real talent, there are a lot of people in LA trying to make it big whose friends and family aren’t kind enough to tell them they aren’t that special.
Austin: The first guy who sang (with the sad “I didn’t meet my sister until I was 14” story) sang Bonnie Raitt really well. I thought he was relatively talented, but the real reason I point it out is because “I Can’t Make You Love Me” is my biggest guilty pleasure shower song. I literally sing it more than any other song in the shower. Awesome.
Three words: John Wayne Schulz. I have always wanted a cowboy of my own, and you would think growing up in OK I would have at least dated one. Alas, my experience with the cowboy set is limited to one night at a country bar when I danced all night with a man in Wranglers, only to have his girlfriend show up at 1:30 to pick him up and almost punch me as I ran to my car. Not cool. Not cool.
Okay, for the record. I do NOT think Ryan Seacrest is the sexiest man alive.
This couple, no matter how talented they are, who wants to be the first AI power couple is possibly the mostobnoxiousthingI’veeverseen.
Hollywood: Yeah, like I said--Austin brought it. Hollywood brought not. The best part was how they used subtitles when the man from Arkansas was talking.