Farewell, Friday Night Lights!

This week included a public poop incident from my five-year-old, puking via Lego gag from my two-year-old, and an all-house chocolate-induced vomit-fest from my dog.  Not awesome.  I did a lot of watching TV because after all of the eventful days we had, all I wanted to do was let my brain fry.  

The Bachelor was boring--the highlight was when at the rose ceremony, Brad kept using the Bill Clinton “I did not have sex with that woman” fist...you know, the closed fist with the thumb sticking out.  Very weird.  American Idol wrapped up auditions and began Hollywood week.  Nothing all that shocking musically, but Steven Tyler wore a hot pink leopard-print see-through shirt which was highly disturbing.  The sitcoms were funny.  The dramas were...er...dramatic.  OH!  Mr. Sunshine premiered--and I was reminded how much I missed Matthew Perry.  Anyway, blah blah blah blah...

The only thing I ACTUALLY want to talk about is how I’m mourning the loss of one of the greatest shows to ever air on television.  If you do not watch Friday Night Lights, do yourself a favor and start with Season 1 Episode 1 and watch it straight through if you can.  It's seriously one of the best shows ever written, beautifully and artfully directed.  And it's not about the football, but it doesn't hurt that there's football in every episode.  This week, the series finale aired on Directv’s 101 (it will air again on NBC later, and I will probably watch the whole season again...after watching the first four seasons again on Netflix).

The episode opened and closed with the faces of FNL with a voiceover of Coach Taylor praying.  Here were his opening words:

“Give all of us gathered here tonight the strength to remember that life is so very fragile.  We are all vulnerable, and we will all at some point in our lives fall.  We will all fall.  We must carry this in our hearts--that what we have is special, that it can be taken from us, and that when it is taken from us, we will be tested.  We will be tested to our very souls.  We will all now be tested.  It is these times.  It is this pain--that allows us to look inside ourselves.”

I was not disappointed.  The writers did as well as they could in a situation where they had to wrap up a million story lines in one hour without it seeming completely ridiculous.  

In classic FNL style, the last show centered on the relationships--marriages, mothers and daughters, fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, fathers, and sons, boyfriends and girlfriends.  There were a lot of I love yous thrown around, but all of them made perfect sense.  I may be super old, but my memories of high school are filed at the front of my mind.  The TV world too often portrays high school inaccurately with shows like Gossip Girl and Pretty Little Liars pulling in the highest ratings from the high school crowd.  The first reason I love and will miss this show is because I lived out the dramatic/crazy teenage relationships portrayed, the kind of relationships that in hindsight provided so many lessons and were no less legitimate or valid just because of my age.  FNL gets this SO right.

The great thing, though, is that I’m not watching this show as a high school student.  I’m a 30-year-old wife and mother, and just as much as I connect with the teenage boys and girls, there were times especially in this episode that I was watching the TV version of my life unfold on screen in the beautiful form of Connie Britton’s Tami Taylor.  My heart literally hurt for her (stop it!  I don’t need anyone to tell me the show isn’t real) and rejoiced with her as she watched her husband struggle to make the right decisions for their family.  Pins and needles, people.  Pins and needles.

Part of me wants a spin-off because I’m just so sad that these people (mainly Tim Riggins) aren’t going to be in my life anymore, but I know--I really do know--that this show ended EXACTLY the way it needed to--on a high note, full of hope already injected with nostalgia.  Tim Riggins said it best--Texas forever!

Saturday Night TV Dribble

I didn't have time to watch TV this week because I was busy taking advantage of free babysitting while my dad was in town, but I did catch a few things this morning while the boys were playing upstairs, and I was working on our taxes.  (On a related note, tax season is the ONLY time of year when I'm glad we're in the Air Force--cha ching!)  I almost didn't write anything, but gaaaawwwwd, it's such a guilty pleasure.

The Bachelor

So, here are the highlights of this week:

• Brad takes Chawntel/Shantel/Shawntel/Chantelle (I can’t keep the ridiculous names straight) on a date in Vegas and lets her buy whatever she wants.  WHATEVER SHE WANTS.  And I’m not talking about a dress and a necklace.  I’m talking about--she picks it up, it’s hers.  I would really like to know how much ABC ended up spending.  There were like 10 bags, and one of them had a $5,000 handbag.  Hook a sister up!  Who cares if she ends up with the man?  She’s got enough swag to make the weeks of looking like a desperate idiot on national television worth it.
• Group date: can we get off this Emily thing?  The poor girl lost her fiance/baby daddy in a plane crash--her fiance/baby daddy who was a professional race car driver.  And the producers are sending her on a freaking race car driving date!?!  Don’t get me wrong--I like my reality TV served up with a whopping scoop of sensationalism, but leave this girl alone.
• Double date with the Ashleys where one girl has to go home: so, whoever wins between the two girls (who are like total besties in the house) gets to be in an Elvis musical with Brad.  He picks Ashley (the brunette with blonde highlights and bad eyebrows--I know, you still can’t figure out which one I’m talking about, right?), and they are strapped into harnesses to perform in a Cirque du Soleil Elvis disaster.  Ashley’s voiceover (as they are being hoisted into the air together): “I am definitely falling for Brad...holding Brad’s hands makes me feel comfort, makes me feel secure.  I feel so lucky to have Brad.  This is honestly one of the best nights of my life.”  She feels this way while staring at him in spandex camo pants with massive amounts of stage make-up.  Oh, and the other Ashley is crying in the back of the car while Are You Lonesome Tonight? plays in the background.  Classic.
• The girls who are kicked off are both crying.  A LOT.  How are we down to 11 women, and I have no idea who these women are?  Where have they been the whole show?  Either way, no one cares because we don’t even know their names.  Should have punched yourselves in the eyes, ladies!

Cougar Town

Cougar Town is one of those shows that I watch every week because I like to finish what I start and haven’t given myself permission to stop watching even though I kind of feel lame for watching it.  HOWEVER, I really do laugh at this show almost every time I pay attention, and this week was SUPERB.  I have always hated Valentine’s Day for all the obvious reasons, and I loved these snippets:

Ellie Torres:

Ugh...I’m so annoyed.  Tomorrow’s St. Valentine’s Day.  What saint decided that women have to put out just because some idiot bought them an $8 teddy bear?

Captain Emo’s been following me around, yapping about romance and vomiting I love yous all over me.

Laurie Keller:

Buddy, boudoir photos are classy.  Plus, you don’t have to be completely naked.  I sent a photo to this guy in Iraq, and my junk was completely covered by a real stuffed eagle.  So patriotic.

American Idol

Okay, so what’s up with that whole apology for Steven Tyler thing?  I bet someone has already blogged about this, so I should just google it and find out, but I’m too lazy.  So, the first night was in Austin, TX, so it was NO surprise that there were a lot of talented folks.  I didn’t really know what to expect from Hollywood, though, because even though it seems like Hollywood (the “entertainment capital of the world”) would pull out some real talent, there are a lot of people in LA trying to make it big whose friends and family aren’t kind enough to tell them they aren’t that special.

Austin: The first guy who sang (with the sad “I didn’t meet my sister until I was 14” story) sang Bonnie Raitt really well.  I thought he was relatively talented, but the real reason I point it out is because “I Can’t Make You Love Me” is my biggest guilty pleasure shower song.  I literally sing it more than any other song in the shower.  Awesome.

Three words: John Wayne Schulz.  I have always wanted a cowboy of my own, and you would think growing up in OK I would have at least dated one.  Alas, my experience with the cowboy set is limited to one night at a country bar when I danced all night with a man in Wranglers, only to have his girlfriend show up at 1:30 to pick him up and almost punch me as I ran to my car.  Not cool.  Not cool.

Okay, for the record.  I do NOT think Ryan Seacrest is the sexiest man alive.  

This couple, no matter how talented they are, who wants to be the first AI power couple is possibly the mostobnoxiousthingI’veeverseen.

Hollywood:  Yeah, like I said--Austin brought it.  Hollywood brought not.  The best part was how they used subtitles when the man from Arkansas was talking.

Thank God for Reruns

TV was full of reruns this week, which was good because I was engrossed in several books all week and didn't feel like watching TV.  I did catch a few shows worth mentioning...

The View

First of all, I caught an episode of The View, and I have to say something that I can not believe I’m saying.  They were talking about the Miss America pageant because Joy Behar was apparently one of the judges, and Elizabeth said that she thinks they should make the women participate in activities during the swimsuit competition--like they should run after children on the beach.  Elizabeth Hasselback, you are so right.  And that’s the last time you’ll hear that from me.

Brothers and Sisters

I am actually really relieved that B&S was a rerun this week.  I feel like I’ve just spent a little too much time with the Walker side of my family, and I need a break.  I’m hoping this little breather will bring on some absence makes the heart grow fonder action.

The Bachelor

Crazy Michelle woke up with a black eye, and you KNOW she gave it to herself.  It reminds me of a time in fourth grade when this weird girl named Blair bit herself and told the teacher I did it.  Clearly, as evidenced by all the awkwardness on their one-on-one date, this girl is not capable of having a genuine conversation/moment with him.  But we gotta keep her because we need the crazy!

What’s the deal with all of the girls on this show always being afraid of whatever they have to do on the date?  Chantel is afraid of the ocean?  Michelle is afraid of heights?  (And don’t forget last week when Barbie Doll had to go up in an airplane before telling him that her fiance died in a plane crash...which is kind of a legitimate fear, so nevermind).

Okay, my favorite moment of his date with Chantel was when Brad said, “Can you please stop talking and just kiss me?”  I may or may not have heard this on occasion in my dating life.  Brad, it’s difficult for us tough girls to stop talking.  It’s a defense mechanism.  Okay, again, I’ve made this personal.  I’ve got to stop.

The group date was super awkward with Dr. Drew.  He just asked who had cheated and only ONE girl fessed up.  Seriously?  I don’t believe it for a minute.

There wasn’t really much going on in this episode.  The rose ceremony wasn’t even the mostdramaticroseceremonyever.  The girls that went home are exactly who I expected to go home because they didn’t get any screen time.

I hope next week we get more cat fights and make out scenes because listening to Brad complain to his therapist about how he’s having a difficult time dealing with kissing all these women is BORING.  And we don’t watch this to be bored.  Right, ladies?

Friday Night Lights

It’s like the light at the end of the mid-week tunnel for me--seeing that bright shiny Tim Riggins face.  I’m living in a state of denial right now with my Panther family because in real life I know that there are only two episodes left, but in my fantasy life (where Coach Taylor gives me hugs on my bad days and Tim Riggins asks me to marry him) life is going to go on forever--especially now that Tim is home.  Yes, he’s changed--but all that angst that he’s directing toward his brother is just plain sexy.  

We’ve got some big things happening (with only two episodes to go--did I mention that?)  Tami wants to move to the east coast, and for once she’d like Coach Taylor to consider her feelings and think about changing her career for him.  When I saw that specific part of the preview, I was snapped back into reality--everyone knows that a Texas football coach would never move to the east coast and give up his career.  Not ever.  

On an unrelated note, the scene where Vince and his mom changed the locks on the door to keep his no-good-triflin’-father out of the house was inCREDible.  Just a moment in the show that captured real life, which is why I obviously have a problem with blurring the lines myself.

American Idol

I could write for hours about these auditions, but there is only one person I want to talk about, and that is a poor guy named Jesse McClintock.  You might be like, uh, I don’t remember him...did he get a golden ticket?  Well, that would be a big fat NO.  Because he didn’t try out.  Jesse was the boyfriend of a girl named Chelsee--who tried out WITH her ex-boyfriend, Rob.  Now, I get that Chelsee and Rob used to sing (and live) together, but if you’re going to reunite for the sake of getting on TV, guys, let’s leave the poor NEW boyfriend, Jesse, out of it.  That guy looked like he was going to explode from trying to not be mad/jealous/freaked out.  And then on top of that, the judges were practically pushing them in the closet to play seven minutes in heaven in an effort to make them fall in love again.  Poor Jesse.

And on an unrelated note, I cry over every stupid sad/heartwarming story.  There’s something really, really wrong with me.  

Oh, and another thing--I have really mixed emotions about The Avett Brothers and The Swell Season playing in the background of taped pieces on AI.  Makes me a little irked.

And one more thing--I want to sing a duet with Steven Tyler.

That is all.

Oh, and I would like to officially go on record to say that this set-up is better than the Simon-Paula-Randy set-up.  For sure.

This Week in Brain Damage

Brothers and Sisters

So, Tommy is back--or at least part of him is.  How much weight has Balthazar Getty lost?  I don’t like the skinny version.  Anyway, he’s back, and he brought his fiancee, whom no one is all that excited about--especially after it seems she may be after the family’s money.  Still not buying it that Frenchie and Sarah are getting married.  Still don’t care about Justin’s girlfriend.  Starting to like Scotty and Kevin’s might-be-daughter.  All right, are we really going back into Nora’s past again?  I feel like a broken record.

The Bachelor

So, Ashley S. (recipient of the “first impression” rose on the first night) gets the one-on-one date, and we are quickly aware that Michelle is the psycho girl of this season (there’s always one).  Brad and Ashley S. are going to try to have fun doing something that Brad describes as “a torturous event”--recording a song together.  And guess what?    Brad picked the song that makes Ashley S. think of her dead dad--the song that was her favorite song when she was little.  Nice work, producers!  You’ve really outdone yourselves with this one.  Oh wait?  Seal is actually here?  You know that Heidi Klum made him do it.  She was like, “Seee-uhl!  You must go on da Bachelor to help Brad find da love we have so that he can celebrate his love every year with extravagant anniversary parties and have babies every year because dat is what da true love people do!”  (I’m much better at writing out Southern accents.  Sorry for the German accent fail.)

And now we get an action movie group date, and Alli is a girl after my own heart talking about her pit stains.  Now I understand why Brad is really doing The Bachelor again.  He’s trying to break into the action movie business!  And he could TOTALLY do it--he is AT LEAST as talented as Jean-Claude Van Damme or John Cena.

Now, on this group date, we’ve got Shawntel (who makes out with him like a rabid dog) and Chantal (who opens up to him about one of the hardest things she’s ever had to deal with), and can we guess who gets the rose?  Making out ALWAYS trumps pouring your heart out.  

Okay, so I think Emily’s story is REALLY tragic. Really tragic, and I in no way want to take away from the fact that her life story--losing her fiance in a plane crash and finding out five days later that she’s pregnant with his baby--is heartbreaking.  However, I only needed to hear the story once.  Crying over reality TV--especially over something this trashy is something that goes against my religion.  And every time the story is told, I bawl like a baby.  We get the best quote of the night from Meghan about Emily: “To pretty much describe Emily, she’s like this itsy bitsy Barbie doll with the soul of Mother Teresa, so you want to hate her but you can’t.”  My sentiments exactly.

And now we get a glimpse at a counseling session for Brad.  Really?  Really?  Is this happening?

Vampire Girl decides to go home, and this is when I start hating myself a little bit because I actually had this thought: I really respect her for leaving!  That’s when you know you’ve taken reality TV too seriously--when you start respecting the people on the show as if they are real people.  GAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWDDDDDD.

And now during the rose ceremony, a few observations:

1. Michelle is still crazy.
2. Someone needs to stop with the eyebrow sculpting.  Seriously.  Start paying attention to all of their eyebrows.  They all look like they’ve been tattooed on.
3. We get “he was just intimidated by me” from Kimberly, and a big fat mascara-smeared sobfest from Sarah P. when they get kicked off.  Nice, ladies.
4. I’m just going to call it now.  Brad is going to pick a brunette.  He’s slowly but surely kicking off all the blondes.  So, sometimes they don’t have more fun.

Parenthood

OOOOOPS!  Haddie’s little I’m-still-dating-my-boyfriend-even-though-my-parents-told-me-not-to scheme blew up in her face.  Hate it when that happens.  I love the looks Adam and Kristina keep giving each other, like, “We’re doing the right thing, right?  This is what good parents do, right?”  I’d like to say what I think every time I watch this show--I don’t think I’m ever going to be ready for teenagers.  And I loved this conversation between Zeek and Crosby:

Zeek: Well, how do you feel about it?

Crosby: It doesn’t matter how I feel about it.  She’s the mom.

Zeek: What do you mean it doesn’t matter how you feel about it?  He’s your son, Crosby.  You’ve gotta have a say in this thing.  You’re setting a dangerous precedent here.  You gotta...who wears the pants in the family?

Crosby: What year do you think it is?  The 50s?  There’s no one wearing the pants or not wearing the pants, you know.  It’s a partnership.

Zeek: God, that sounds dreadful.

Modern Family

Is this every parent’s biggest nightmare?  Yes.  Do Claire and Phil Dunfee know how to make an awkward situation more awkward?  Yes.

Friday Night Lights

Tim Riggins is back!  I’ve never loved stringy, greasy hair and white jumpsuits more.  And that Buddy Garridy is my hero: “I can tell you this kid right here has more heart than any person I know...it’s time for you to let Tim Riggins come home.”  I think some other stuff happened on this episode, but I was daydreaming during the parts when Tim Riggins wasn’t on the screen, so I don’t know what else happened.  Sigh...

American Idol

My parents hate reality TV and make fun of me for watching, and you know what I have to say to that?  Did you see the new and improved American Idol?  OMG.  It’s SOOOOOO much better than before.  I laughed, I cried, I watched young men and women fulfill their lifelong dreams.

No, really.  I don’t really care what happens this season.  I’m just excited to look at Steven Tyler every week.   I mean...he’s probably #1 on my old guys that do it for me list.  Did you see him take his shirt off?  Was not expecting that.  I mean, he’s like 75 or something, and he looks like a rock god...uh, because he is.  And you know what the biggest surprise of these new format is?  I actually like Jennifer Lopez.  I TOTALLY thought she was going to drive me crazy in the same way that Paula did, but she doesn’t.  She seems really, really normal (which I suppose makes total sense she’s Jenny from the block).  So normal that I’ll put up with having to look at and listen to Randy all season.

Perfect Couples

So we’ve got a new show that is potentially funny.  Potentially.  There’s something about  Kyle Bornheimer (who plays Dave) that I don’t like.  He was on a show called Worst Week that was a typical Americanized version of a good BBC show--kind of funny, but something lost in translation.  Then he played Alyssa Milano’s best friend, Perry, on Romantically Challenged, and I didn’t like him on that show either, but it may have been because I couldn’t get over Alyssa Milano’s giant teeth.  So, I may not be able to watch this show because of him.  HOWEVER, Olivia Munn who a) is from Oklahoma, and b) proves smart, funny, and hot can happen at the same time (as evidenced by her appearances on The Daily Show) is on the show, so I’ll at least give it the let’s-see-what-happens-after-the-pilot.

The Office/Parks and Recreation/30 Rock

All of these shows are always hiLARious, but when I try to write about them, nothing really makes sense.  Pretty much everyone I know watches The Office, but almost no one I know watches Parks and Recreation.  I can only chalk this up to the fact that everyone thinks P&R is the exact same show as The Office.  And it’s not!  Not at all.  I mean P&R is set in a GOVERNMENT office.  The main character is a quirky, unaware WOMAN, and the other characters include a large black WOMAN, an awkwardly demanding man with a MUSTACHE, and an Indian-American MAN.  See?  Totally different.  30 Rock rounds out the Thursday NBC funnies, and I’m campaigning for Tina Fey/Alec Baldwin 2016. Here is an example of why what I write doesn’t translate as funny on the page:

“Suck it!  By the way, I’ve been giving away free sports bras to the girls at Hotdog on a Stick!”

See?  Makes no sense if you didn’t watch this week, but really, really funny if you did.

The BEST 2011 Golden Globe Review Ever Written While Eating Chips and Salsa

Okay, I was not going to write about The Golden Globes because I was feeling lazy, but five minutes in, I was like...I can’t believe I’m watching these by myself!  For the first time in about five years, I’ve actually seen most of the movies and shows that are nominated!  I’m not on Twitter even though everyone tells me I should be.  So, pretend you’re sitting here in my living room drinking wine and that I’m annoying you through the whole thing.  If you watched them, you might find this interesting.  If you didn’t watch them, you will think this is all complete nonsense, raving lunatic babble.

PRE-SHOW:

Is Ricky Gervais drunk already?

Whose idea was it to start with Natalie Portman?  Nothing else matters after seeing her beautiful self in that BEAUTIFUL dress.  (NP is so stunning that I nearly missed Olivia Wilde in the background fanning her dress.)

What’s on Mark Wahlberg’s face?  Oh, that is his face.

I love Alec Baldwin and his phony sincere head shake.  (I have an uncle who passionately hates Alec Baldwin, which makes for really interesting Thanksgiving dinners.)

I have said this before, and I will say it again, “Stop it with the eyeliner, Keith Urban!”

Oh no, Helena.  I LUV you, girl, but seriously.  This is a joke, right?

Sandy, Sandy, Sandy!  I don’t generally get on board with the one-shoulder jobs, but I think you look beautiful in EVERYTHING.  (Carson Daly is a complete d-bag.  WTH is he talking about?)

That sweet little Chris Colfer!  I hope that Julie Andrews granny gig works out for you.  

I wonder if Jesse Eisenberg gets tired of answering, “Have you ever met Mark Zuckerberg?”  As much I would like to say I would have dated someone like Matthew McConnaughey in high school, I totally would have dated Jesse Eisenberg.  For sure.

Julianne Moore is always, always, always stunning.  Real red heads are the best.

Matthew Morrison has less product in his hair tonight.  Good for you, Matt.

Jake Gyllenhaal.  I just...I just...I can’t say anything else.  Maybe this--can I have your babies?  Don’t ever shave your face. (Tiny glimpse of Blair Underwood--would also have your babies.)

Christina Aguilera--how did I miss that Burlesque was up for best film?  WTH?  Okay, okay, I didn’t see it because I thought it looked AWFUL.  Anyway, Christina, your girls look great.

Oh, Mr. Pink, I love you.  Does anyone else think Steve Buscemi looks a little bit dead?  (Ooh, ooh, ooh...more of Miss Natalie...gosh, that woman is beautiful.)

Angelina, I’m not going to make any tacky comments about who you are, but that dress is ridiculous.  And by ridiculous, I mean, you look like Oscar the Grouch is going to Amish prom.

TINA FEY!!!  Your dress, your hair, your boobs--perfection!

Jane Lynch--fab.  Shot of Scarlett Johansson--WTH happened to her hair?

And January Jones deserves my first OMFG of the night.  I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what Bets Draper would wear to the GGs as well.  Rock it, sister.

Amy Adams is possibly the sweetest person on the planet.  I have personal issues with dresses that have giant bows/flowers right next to your face, but for you, Amy, it makes sense.

Rob in navy, super.  I don’t need to write anymore about him because all the Twihards will take care of that.

Who cares about this Zuckerberg chick?  RYAN GOSLING IS HERE.  He looks like his mom combed his hair, but who cares?  He makes me giggle.  Butterflies in the stomach and giggling.

I hope Colin Firth wins.  REALLY.  

Wee shot of Halle Berry--eh.  I don’t even feel like putting in the effort to say anything.  She could wear a duct tape dress and still be the most beautiful woman in Hollywood.

I don’t care how weird Kevin Spacey is.  He’s still one of my favorites.

Sofia Vergara looks like Jessica Rabbit, and I mean that in the nicest way possible.  Jessica Rabbit is the sexiest cartoon character ever.

Helen Mirren for queen!  I hope my girls look that good when I’m her age.  Sexy haircut.  You make $1.6 million dollars look good.

Yea, Michael Douglas!  So good to see him up and around, and Catherine, you are STUNNING, even if you are wearing the drapes from The Sound of Music.

Claire Danes has a perfect dress and perfect hair (style and shade).  Who knew My So-Called Life would result in THIS.

Christian Bale is disgusting.  JESUS.  No, I mean, he looks like Jesus.  Get rid of all the extra body hair and put your Batman costume back on.

Michelle Williams has a pixie haircut.  I don’t know how I feel about it.  I also don’t know how I feel about that dress.  In fact, I feel nothing.

Anne Hathaway is dressed like she’s 40...this is becoming a trend with some of these young up-and-comers tonight.  ANNE!!! Lose the shoulder pads and show a little skin while you’re young.  OH WHOA, just noticed the back.  It’s much better than the front.

IRONMAN!  Could Robert Downey, Jr. care any less about this interview?  Love him.

Jimmy Fallon just got smallboxed for Carrie Underwood--Okie pride!  

Yes, let’s ruminate about the fashion.  Yes, Carson!  Obviously, January Jones.

Oh, that’s it?  It’s time for the real show?  Clappy hands, clappy hands, clappy hands!!!

Okay, so we’re opening with jokes about Charlie Sheen, The Tourist, and Cher.  Did they seriously just bleep “for Christ’s sake?”  Scientology jokes?  Watch your back, Ricky...they’ll come get you!

Okay, so I didn’t even notice Scarlett’s dress first time around because of her stupid hair, but that is really, really nice.  I mean, I could do without the sleeves, but the rest of it is really nice.  And Geoffrey Rush was robbed.  Okay, enough, Christian Bale.

LL Cool J never gets old.  I might just pause it for awhile and stare at him.  You know how I feel about guys in hats.  I’ve been meaning to watch Sons of Anarchy but haven’t gotten around to it.  (Wait...what?  She was nominated for Peg Bundy?)  Juliana Margulies should have won, but whatever.  I’m fast-forwarding through Peg’s speech.

I haven’t seen Carlos, but is it weird that I’m craving chips and salsa after hearing that music?

If I was Bruce Willis, I would totally kick his ass.  

Oh no, Leighton, someone ripped your dress!  Look, there are some trends that should not come back.  One of those trends is puffy sleeves.

Does Eric Stonestreet have a Santa connected to his lapel?

Yea for Glee boy!!!  I’m kind of disappointed that the cast didn’t join him on stage for a quick little number.  That’s right!  Screw that, kids.  I love the genuinely surprised speeches.

I think Eva Longoria and I would totally be friends in real life.  If I was there tonight, that’s the dress I would be wearing.

I totally feel torn about this.  I definitely think Steve Buscemi is wonderful and deserved to win this award, but poor Jon Hamm.  If you need comforting, Jon, call me!  Night or day!  At.  Your.  Beck.  And. Call.

I might be getting hungry.  It’s going to be hard to type and dip at the same time.  Oh!  Justin Timberlake was just on screen for like three seconds (and not even in real live form).  My pits and feet just started sweating--I can’t help it.  No matter how I try to not be in love with him, I can’t help it.  LJ+JT forever!

Aww...how cute is Hailee Steinfeld?  Obvs, TS3 is taking this one home.  It made grown men cry.

Robert Downey, Jr. is phenomenal.  Effing phenomenal.

The Kids Are All Right  is one of the films that I really, really, really, really wanted to see this year and didn’t.  Officially moved to the top of my Netflix queue.  Oooohhh...that Mark Ruffalo is too cute.  1962?  How old is Warren Beatty?

Sylvester Stallone is amazing.  Amazingly awful.  What happened?

I could watch Claire Danes and Temple Grandin hugging all night!  Why was there only one season of My So-Called Life?  Oh, Temple Grandin is so stinking cute!  And I’m just going to say that behind Natalie, I think Claire’s dress is my next favorite.

Is Zac Efron in a movie about the military soon?  (I’m genuinely asking since I don’t keep up with HSM stars.)  What’s up with that haircut?

Tina Fey and Steve Carrell...so far my favorite moment of the night.

Thor and Captain America on stage at the same time.  I am SO over superheroes and superhero movies.  

I love that Sofia Vergara clapped for herself because she’s so excited!  From Jane Lynch, best speech so far: 

...I am nothing if not falsely humble, so I would like tonight, I’d like tonight to share this with Ian Brennan.  Ian Brennan is one of our three writers on Glee, and he created Sue Sylvester, and every heinous, insane line that comes out of my mouth was written by him.  He’s a deranged young man.  He’s a fellow Chicagoan, and I love you so much, and this is yours, too. Although, I will be holding on to it.  Um, I think the great thing about Glee for me anyway, the greatest thrill, is that I get these 14-year-old kids coming up to me, vibrating out of their bodies and saying how happy Glee makes them, and you know when I have the time and I’m not eating, and don’t want to be bothered, I’ll give them a moment of my time...

Okay, now that I see Olivia Wilde up and moving around in that giant sparkly dress, it’s growing on me.  Big, I think, for TV, but I think I like it.  Yep, yep, I definitely like it.

Remember when everyone hated Jane Fonda?  Yeah, I wasn’t alive, but I heard it was bad.  Thank goodness she teamed up with JLo for that stellar Monster-in-Law movie and revived her career.  Doh.

Oh, now there’s a nice surprise.  I REALLY like Kaley Cuoco’s dress.  Very sweet.

Ooh...there’s Jon Hamm again.  Babies?

Okay, Melissa Leo should be cast in every movie from this point out.  I want her to win more awards, so I can hear more speeches from her.

Mr. Matt Damon, you had me at them apples.  Tonight was no different.  (Tiny glimpse of Brad Pitt chewing gum.  Yums.)  Anyway, back to Mattie--I swear I don’t say this to all the boys, but babies?

And let’s all take a minute to fall in love some more with Robert DeNiro.  I mean, really.  He really is the best.  Ever.  Like if I were to compile a list of the greatest actors of all time, he wouldn’t be on the list because he is his own list.  So, so, so, sososososososososo sexysmart.  Blows everyone out of the water.

Aww...Tom Hanks is crying a little bit about Robert DeNiro.  And that is why Tom Hanks is on his own different kind of list.

Okay, fine.  I like Megan Fox’s dress.  As much as it KILLS me to say it.  So grossed out by her.

Yep, still like January Jones and that red “dress.”  It’s more like a swimsuit with a skirt, but yes.  I still like it.

Halle Berry.

How does someone get nominated twice in one category and still not win?  Paul Giamatti is talented and all, but give Johnny some love for his BRILLIANT performance in Alice in Wonderland. Okay, Paul, you’re getting creepy now.  Get off the stage.

Okay, so does anyone know how tall Joseph Gordon-Levitt is?  I can never tell, but he seems small for my taste.  I might make a boy-sized man exception for him because he’s in two of my favorite movies ever.  I mean, really, I don’t like it when a boy can fit in my jeans.  It’s gross and wrong.  And I only like kissing boys when I have to crane my neck until it hurts.  While on my tiptoes.

JEFF BRIDGES!!!  JEFF BRIDGES!!!  JEFF BRIDGES!!!  I love him so much.

And we all knew that NP was taking this one home.  Obvs.  Shout out to the granny!  Shout out to the mom and dad!  He does want to sleep with you--like everyone else I know.  Aww...awkward laugh!  Darren Aronofsky  should cast that mustache in his next creepy movie.

Did you hear that?  From the upcoming film, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.  I may have said something about that book sometime on this blog.

And Colin Firth FTW--my night is now complete.

"There's gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation."--Michael Douglass (Brilliant and poised!)

And The Social Network wins again.  Cool.

Wait...the show ended on time?  Wow.