Okay, I’m well aware that it’s not Saturday morning, but this weekend was the best we’ve had in awhile (more on this later, but I'm still playing hostess to some Okie friends, so I haven't had time to sit down yet), so it took me this long to watch all my shows (I feel like a grandma saying that...you kids, quiet down while I watch my shows!) So here’s what I thought about this week of brain damage:
Glee: I’ve got a couple of concerns about this episode. What was up with the random Brittany/Santana encounter? Why did Quinn wear her Cheerios uniform on the date with Sam? And when are the writers going to address the multiple STDs that Brittany has to have? Just some thoughts I had while watching one of the best episodes in awhile. I swear Lea Michele was actually channeling Judy Garland.
Rachel: Hey, I had something I wanted to talk to you about.
Kurt: Please, not another pregnancy.
Rachel: I think we’re a little more similar than you think.
Kurt: That’s a terrible thing to say.
And, um, why on earth do we have to wait TWO WEEKS for Rocky Horror Glee? Ridiculous.
Raising Hope: Jimmy’s grandma thinks she’s in labor, his dad is entertaining himself like a cat, and his mom just compared herself to the girl he’s crushing on (eww). I love this show because it makes my family seem so, so normal.
Jimmy: We had this amazing conversation about shrinky dinks, and the whole time I’m thinking I’ve met my soulmate.
Sabrina: Your house is cool. Who plays the piano?
Jimmy: Pretty much anybody who’s trying to get on someone else’s nerves.
Young Virginia: If you don’t want to look like a dork, then you need to take off your face!
Virginia (about family portraits) to Jimmy: I’m going with a 50s theme this year. You can slick your hair back and then maybe you won’t eat it and look like a mental patient.
Running Wilde: Puddle is supposed to be going to a school dance. Andy Richter makes a guest appearance as the gay dad of the boy Puddle wants to go to the school dance with. The dad thinks Steve is hitting on him. The boy thinks Puddle’s mom is trying to date him. Confused? Well, it’s darn right Shakespearian if you ask me. (Comedy doesn’t really ever change.) Oh, and then there’s a little piece of comedy heaven in the character of Mr. Lunt, Steve’s butler/life-long caretaker. He’s like Tim Gunn, except out of shape.
Steve: Lunt, honest opinion.
Lunt: I think it’s creepy that your chaperoning an 8th grade dance when you’re not even a parent.
Steve: Yeah, but Emmy is. She’s excited that Puddle has a new boyfriend. And I was asking how my crotch is hanging in this tux.
Lunt: It’s called your in-seam, and it’s not supposed to hang higher than your goodies.
Steve: Well, you better let it out because I might be doing some splits.
Mr. Lunt: Go have fun with Dan.
Steve: What’s gotten into you?
Mr. Lunt: Oh, I’m sorry, Steve. I’m just a little jealous is all. I feel like I’m competing with this guy to be your father figure.
Steve: Oh, Lunt, you rotting old puff. Don’t be silly. You’re my mother figure.
(See, it’s dripping with Shakespeare.)
Parenthood: Opening scene=hot married people sex interrupted by child screaming from bad dream. Here’s some advice: take away that stupid Yo Gabba Gabba doll. That’s probably what is giving her nightmares. Next scene=post-morning sex with mama and baby daddy on his boathouse. (Crosby TOTALLY outpunted his coverage with Jasmine, which I guess is believable since they started out as a one-night stand.) Anyway, beyond the sex, we’ve got another super episode of fantastic talking-over-each-other family mess--complete with a ukulele (beyond awesome) and ballroom dancing.
Adam (discussing his parents’ therapy sessions): So, what do you do there? Talk? Share?
Zeek: It’s the hell if I know. I know that the only thing I’m doing differently is I’m dancing with Gay Tony. Ah, you outta see this guy move, Adam. He’s like a finely tuned European sports car. He’s very sensitive, and he just responds to the slightest touch. Honestly, it’s amazing.
Adam: (nodding head) That’s great.
Zeek: Hey, son, I don’t go to therapy for me. What am I gonna get out of it? I hate going. I’m going because it means something to your mom. Alright? That’s why I’m going.
The Middle: Brick finds a magic kit. Axl is suspended from school. Sue stands up for her rights when the school board tries to cut cross country (the only sport that takes everybody). Hilarity ensues.
Sue: Don’t any of you remember how horrible junior high can be when you don’t have something? The panic that hits you in the lunch room when no one will sit with you even if you pretend to have an English accent to seem more interesting.
Frankie: It’s horrible, Mike. It’s just horrible. Nobody tells you how hard it is to be parents.
Mike: Course not. If they told you, nobody would do it. It’s called punishing it forward.
Better with You: Ah, relationships!
Mia: That is the dumbest theory I’ve ever heard.
Casey: But it works. You can’t be mad at someone when they’re naked. They’re too exposed, too vulnerable. It would be like punching a bunny or tripping a nun.
Mia: Well, you are in trouble because I have done one of those things.
Modern Family: Three words: Cam’s bike shorts.
Claire: I hate it when you do that. You never heard of Troga? You never tried octopus? You never did this amazing thing I just discovered yesterday but I pretend like I've done my whole life?
Cam: I hate your beard.
Mitchell: Wow, you had that bullet in the chamber.
30 Rock: First of all, I really, really like Matt Damon and wish he could stay a permanent fixture. Secondly, cameos from Julia Louis-Dreyfus and John Hamm=genius. Although a bit awkward, the live show format showed off just how spectacular this cast really is.
Carol: Lizzy if something were to happen, I want you to know that I...I need you to go to Raleigh, to my apartment and just clear out all the porn before my mom gets there.
Liz: That's it?
Carol: I also need you to Tivo “Bones” for me in case I survive.
Liz: Are you sniffing paint?
Jack: Of course, I am, Lemon. Men need alcohol. It’s the first thing every civilization makes along with weapons...and shelters to enjoy prostitutes.
Liz: Did you crash?
Carol: No, but it was pretty scary. I mean, well not like the stuff I saw in the Air Force, of course. Like this one time a bunch of us pilots got together and went to a haunted house in Germany. That was messed up!
The Office: I dare everyone to come up with something funnier than Michael Scott and anything involving sex. See, you can’t do it.
Michael: It's a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she still rocks harder than anyone else.
Andy: This is a man’s genatalia
Andy: Oh, is it because he’s black?
Jim: No, because it’s genatalia.