Thursday, November 11, 2010

I'm a Little Bit Country (Okay, I'm a Lot Country)

This girl had a pretty spectacular night (and my husband added her to his freebie five).

You know why I like the CMAs?  Because it’s a bunch of real people prettied up for one night being rewarded for raw talent.  (And let’s be real--in an alternate universe, I’m still waiting for my big break.)  The thing I love the most is that it is more than apparent that some of these people have never met a stylist because they are straight up tacky--but that’s what makes country music so great, right?  All the sparkly, bright-colored boots and fringe and giant hats and spandex--it’s like New Year’s Eve at a gay bar.  (On the issue of clothing, let me just say that Carrie Underwood was stunning in every single dress she wore last night.)  So much of the night was fantastic, but here is a little commentary:
  1. Brad Paisley was genuinely funny.  Like comedian funny. (And he took home entertainer of the year--not too shabby!)
  2. Taylor Swift has obviously had some voice lessons since the Stevie Nicks debacle.  She was on Ellen earlier in the week, and I was floored when she sang at least 95% of the song without going flat.  Then, tonight she rocked it.  This makes me so incredibly happy for her (and the rest of us) because that girl has more song-writing talent in one pinky than all of Nashville (not to mention a beyond-her-years amount of grace), and I think someone is helping her get the voice to go with it.
  3. I really want Keith Urban to go away.  I liked him so much more before Nicole Kidman.  Seriously, he had enough eyeliner on to re-caulk my shower stall.
  4. In the country legends making appearances competition between George Strait, Alan Jackson, Reba McEntire and Loretta Lynne, the award goes hands down to George Strait.  He looks and sounds the same as he did when he starred in Pure Country.  (Runner-up goes to Loretta Lynne for getting up there in that great big gold dress with the great big hair and singing Coal Miner’s Daughter).
  5. I’d like to give out some special awards to Dierks Bentley and Blake Shelton (post-mullet) for remaining HAWT without the cowboy hats.  This is a feat that many a country star can not pull off (i.e. Kenny Chesney, Garth Brooks, Tim McGraw...the list goes on and on...).
  6. I was actually listening to The Band Perry’s “If I Die Young” on the radio today, and then they played it on the show.  First, it’s a beautifully written song, but I just want to be clear:
If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song 
does not represent my wishes.  Satin is my kryptonite.  Makes me want to throw up when I touch it.  A bed of roses?  No.  I like poppies--I want to go out sleepy Dorothy style.  I don’t want to ever drown--now or even after I’m dead.  And as far as my funeral music goes, just stick with the Beatles.  They’ve never steered me wrong thus far.  You can throw in some Ben Harper if you want.

7. Gwynneth Paltrow?  I love you Gwynnie, and you found your groove in verse two.  Congratulations on being good at everything you do.

8. And finally, I have to give it up to the women of country.  I didn’t see one emaciated starlet in the bunch.  How refreshing is it to see women who didn’t skip several meals to fit into a size 0 dress?  Even the skinny-minnies (i.e. TSwift) look healthy.  Frigging fantastic.


  1. So agree! In the past, poor Taylor could not sing live to save her life (I.E. Faith Hill) but she sounded great last night. Lady Antebellum is by far the best live. They sound exactly like the do on the radio. And yep, no way Miranda had a stylist for that dress. She looked like Carrie's white trash little cousin. And why do we have to have a shot of Nicole Kidman sitting there smirking every 5 seconds?

  2. Love it. I've never liked country music, only influenced a bit when I married my husband who likes it a lot. Your post made me want to watch the cmas. Thanks for the eye-opener.

  3. "Seriously, he had enough eyeliner on to re-caulk my shower stall." Hahahaha!