Friday, November 5, 2010

Snip, Snip!

It’s V-day for the Johnson family, well V-day Part 1.  That’s right!  Scott has his vasectomy consultation this morning.  Even though Ben is only 2 (well, he will be at the end of this month), I feel like this is a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong time coming.
Without getting too personal (right...have you met me?), I have been “in charge” of our birth control for the duration of our relationship, so I am beyond ecstatic to know that within a few weeks, I will never have to take a pill again.  Well, I mean, I’ll probably have to take ibuprofen at some point, but I’m talking about the all-consuming BCP.
Here’s the deal.  Being a woman sucks sometimes.  We obviously have that whole “we can give birth” card, and no one can take that away from us, but the hormones!  Seriously.  I would say I rarely had problems before I was on the pill.  Maybe I got a little emotional after the pill, but it was NOTHING compared to what happened to me after having babies.  And now?  Now that I’ve had babies AND I’m on the pill, whoa.  Now, I’ve never been that woman that turned into Medusa three days before my period--I just don’t get bitchy.  Instead, here’s what I do:
  1. I alternate between being scorching hot and freezing cold, and sometimes both at the same time.  There are times when I have on three pairs of socks because my feet are like icebergs, while I dab the sweat from my forehead.
  2. I can’t sleep, so I turn on the TV at 3 in the morning and cry at the last four minutes of an episode of Reba.
  3. I feel like I’m going to throw up if I don’t get my socks off.  Right.  This.  Second.  The feeling of the socks rubbing against the end of my toes is touch equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.
  4. I have a hyper-sensitive sense of smell and start Lysoling the entire house because it smells like pee, and I just can’t find the source.  Oh, and don’t tell me you can’t smell it, or I’ll make you Lysol the bathroom, too.
  5. I feel the sudden urge to start a new project--like learning to sew or swapping the furniture from bedroom to bedroom.
  6. I crash.  Like, can’t function in the middle of the day.
  7. I eat...uh...interesting I'll claw someone's eyes out for pickled beets and then follow them up with spoonfuls of goat cheese.  It's really not okay.
It’s rough.  I should probably not blame all of those things on hormones.  I do operate with a good deal of neurosis even on my good days, but there are certain times when the neurosis turns to psychosis and becomes ridiculously intense.
All that said, I am excited to let nature take its course instead of controlling it with a pill.  Of course, about the time my body gets stuff figured out, I’ll start menopause, so whatever.  Either way, Happy V-day Part 1, Scott!


  1. "cry at the last 4 mintues of Reba" LMAO!

  2. Rob got his snippa-roo today! He just mostly looked green until he went to lie down in the bed. Then he made the mistake of telling me that this must have been how I felt when I was pregnant....Not even close buddy! He lost all sympathy on that ridiculous statement. I was green for 8 months straight...TWICE! His couple of hours of sickness....not so much. MEN!!!

  3. One of the happiest days of my life was when I got my tubes done. So great not to worry about birth control.

  4. you will feel sooooooo much better off that shit. changed me a ton...and i never had problems with the pill till after charlie. anyhow, no pill now. no baby either :(...but as soon as my husband grows shut the giant hole in his leg, we will make one soon. and then celebrate his v day. happy hormone free life girl

  5. Ken never argued about getting it done. He didn't want me to get on the pill and "get all crazy" again.